1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
2. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
5. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
6. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
7. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
8. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
9. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
12. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
13. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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